How to Set Boundaries with others when you’re Going Through Fertility Treatment

What kind of boundaries do you need to set? Let’s break it down in this post.

The boundaries themselves

First, I want to talk about boundaries itself, so that you understand where and when you need to practice them.

When should I set a boundary?

First, start by giving yourself a self-assessment before the event. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being you feel at your absolute worst and 10 you’re feeling your absolute best.

If you’re at the lower end of the scale emotionally, this might be a great time to start implementing a boundary.

Gauging where you are emotionally can help you establish what type of boundary to set. Let’s use an event as an example. Maybe your boundary is stepping away from the event or not going at all.

Where do I set the boundary?

Next, where do you want to implement your boundary? It is a really big question and unique to everyone. Again, let’s use an event as an example.

Is the boundary on whether or not you should participate in the event?

Is the boundary participating in a different way, like leaving earlier than usual?

Is it putting up your own emotional boundaries where you may give yourself the time and space to excuse yourself from an experience and take some time away from the event?

That's okay to do. These are your boundaries after all.

What if I’ve never set boundaries before with anyone?

If you've never set boundaries with others, you’ll first have to start slow and build your confidence in this new skill.

And sometimes that takes talking with others, letting them know that you're in more of a vulnerable space, emotionally letting them know, “Hey, I might want to opt out of a conversation. I might just tell you that this event is going to be particularly difficult for me.”

There are so many options with communication to let people know not exactly what you're going to do, because sometimes you just don't know. But at least to communicate that you might come across this different and that's okay. If you’re unsure of how much to share, you might find my article about sharing information with others helpful.

What will be my biggest barrier?

One of the biggest barriers I see people have when it comes to boundaries is just giving themselves permission to have them.

So again, setting boundaries always circles back to yourself, and working on giving yourself permission.

If this is something that's been difficult for you to do, maybe because setting a boundary hasn't even been received well by others, remember that you might have to tolerate some of that distress is part of setting up the boundaries. But standing firm on your boundary is you advocating for yourself and your mental health as you’re going through your family-building journey.

I know some of what I suggested here is easier said than done, especially when we're talking about boundaries. I'm not minimizing the amount of emotional energy and work it takes to do this.

Share with me some of the boundaries that you found that have been beneficial for you. You found this helpful, sign up to our newsletter to get tips right in your inbox.